This is a reply I have written in a recent Connector article. It seems to be a question that comes up frequently.
One of my close friends said that I should seek professional psychological help for a few difficulties that I have been experiencing; but I am embarrassed and scared of starting the process. Is this common?
There are many reasons why someone may have a fear of seeking help; and ironically the fear itself-which may come in many forms-is what is holding us back from having an easier life. Even the fear of embarrassment can be disabling-will the psychologist judge me? Laugh at me? Think I am a bad person? No! If the psychologist has been trained appropriately and is genuinely empathetic towards your needs then they will not do any of these things. Their role is to make you feel comfortable to share your situation in a confidential environment, to provide you with an unbiased perspective, and to start helping you by giving you appropriate education and coping strategies. It is therefore very important that you find someone you are comfortable with because you may need, or want, to gradually disclose personal things about yourself, the people around you, and your past.
Often the type of information that one needs to convey may be difficult to share with someone, such as details of a particularly personal problem-especially if shame, guilt, or resentment are involved. There may also be a fear of the unknown-what happens if I start delving into the past? -or a concern about crying, feeling overwhelmed, or being vulnerable during the initial consultation. Once again, you should be supported through this in a quiet, safe environment which has strict protocols for confidentiality. It is unhelpful for you to continue putting on a brave face as this consumes a lot of your mental energy, and meanwhile your emotions are not being processed adequately.
The thought of going to a psychologist may indeed represent something scary or shameful, and people often wonder whether they will be diagnosed with a particular disorder or be given a 'label' for how they are feeling. Memories of family members or friends who were diagnosed with psychological illness may play at the forefront of their mind, and they may not wish to follow suit! This is often a tragedy as the reality may be much simpler. In a similar vein, people may also be concerned that their personality is weaker than those around them. The 'other people seem to cope with this, so I should be able to cope also' mentality is rife. Furthermore, few people want to be told that they might need to seek help-even if it is by a well meaning friend. Sometimes they think it is just better to put on a brave face and 'go with the flow', but then again, life has a habit of catching up with you!
Another issue of concern is that people think they need to be truly emotionally hurt, out of control, or almost 'broken' before they can seek help. However, psychological strategies actually give you opportunities to increase the number of coping strategies (for life!) in your 'toolbox' and as such, to obtain help, even as a preventive measure. If anything, it may just be the case that you simply need an outside perspective to show you how 'normal' you are, and to show you that it is okay to seek help. Furthermore, sometimes therapy will also progress much faster than you anticipate-and you will not necessarily have to commit to longer term therapy.
So, if you are feeling embarrassed or scared about the process of seeking help, weigh up the positives and negatives of entering such a process, and think carefully about the various issues which may be holding you back. Then make sure you are heading to the correct professional for your needs... and remember that you deserve to feel good!